Nurture, Children & Work
Wednesday, August 25, 2010 at 11:30AM 
With the start of the school year, and the busy time of autumn upon us, it seems like a good idea to visit the notion of nurture.
We nurture so little of our lives. We allow interruptions and urgencies to drive our days. And if we have children, we make the mistake of looking upon them as interruptions or urgencies, asserting control where we feel we have it, instead of the harder job of taking control where it's really needed.
My practice these days is simple. I am trying to observe my feelings and actions more, so I may put actions in front of feelings, where they belong.
If I am interrupted from work it's frustrating, no doubt. But if the interruption is by a person, there is a communication issue, nothing more. It is my responsibility to communicate ahead of time that I will be working. This is great for anyone with the maturity to deal with such boundaries, and it looks good all typed up here in this post, doesn't it? Very definitive. In practice it's full of loopholes.
When dealing with my husband, with whom I share our office, it's really that easy. When dealing with calls, chats and emails, it's even easier with time-boxing or batching. This means I check all incoming messages at certain times and address them, then leave it alone until the next batching window.
With children it's trickier. I find working from home, though full of perks like bare feet, pets, real meals and kisses, means I actually have to stop and take care of others regularly throughout the day. This is turning out to be a blessing I might have missed if I got mad every time it happened. I need the break anyway, it's usually high time. My focus, while perhaps admirable, is not always conducive to the general health and wellbeing of myself or my family!
The truth is I can go for six hours without emerging from my work cave, fueled only by plain green tea and passion. This is no doubt a strength of mine, but not one to use daily! Daily there has to be a rhythm. A waxing and waning of focus balanced with activity and availability.
Scheduling has helped everyone in the house make the adjustment to Mommy working. Quick meal plans have helped. And communication along with lots of available projects for kids has also helped. But the thing that has helped the most, the grand secret to it all, has been appreciation. Appreciation is the truest and best form of nurture on the planet.
So I consciously appreciate my husband throughout the day. Things he does, and just him, for who he is. I do the same with each of the children separately, making sure everyone gets touched, hugged, fed, kissed and aimed at something productive. I even do it with the pets, stopping for a fur or feather fix now and then. I smile. I breathe deeply. I remember love. Not because that's what comes naturally to me when I'm interrupted. Far from it, I'm afraid. But because they're worth it. And so am I.
How can you find more room for appreciation in your days?
Boundaries, Career, Children, Communication, Focus, Nurture, Relationships, Space, Time, Work at Home, Working Mom in Career, Family, Relationships
Reader Comments (2)
Oooo...Miranda, we seem to have much more in common than just our first names, don't we? I love this post. We need you at Studio Mothers!
Sorry it took so long for me to respond! I'm still learning this new software. Thanks, Miranda! I'd love to post at Studio Mothers! Do you want to cross-post this piece?